Updated: Dec 7, 2020
Are you like me, still struggling to make sense of 2020?
I was so excited for this decade but it has been nothing less than difficult, challenging and emotionally draining. Changing all our habits, routines, behaviours and beliefs. If you were scared of change before what are you doing with the uncomfortable, exacerbated feelings now?
Which takes us to a huge disconnect that I am trying very hard to understand and I hope you will join me on my discovery. Through life experiences, observation, and education I have seen therapy ignored, insulted and given an overall bad rap. You may not understand what it really is, as it goes against many cultural norms and is considered “taboo.”
Psychotherapy can help. It can be your key to changing the things that make you feel like you JUST CAN'T do another day with struggle. It can give you HOPE. The idea that maybe, small changes can lead to a bigger shift. It does not need to take you back to your childhood and uncover the secrets and hurt you have hidden away but it will explore the beliefs you have created based on those feelings and poke holes in the story and lies that you have relied on to guide the decisions and choices in creating your life.
“You see, in life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know. Knowing is not enough! You must take action.” – Tony Robbins
How can one person in one hour help me unravel my life?
How can I share my deepest secrets with a stranger?
How is it possible to help me change my patterns of behavior to make different choices?
How do I find someone who aligns with me?
What do I look for in a therapist?
Where do I start?
Your self talk may include;
No one will ever understand me.
I’m not worth it.
I can’t afford it.
I don’t have the energy to look for someone.
Where do I start?
How will I fit it in?
What if it doesn’t work?
Is it so much easier to tell yourself;
I am fine for now.
This will pass.
I will feel better soon.
There is no way I am dealing with this.
I will talk about it with a friend. I can’t do it.
I am scared of the unknown.
People can’t change.
Therapy helps you change your unconscious mind. It can help you explore the reasons you react the way you do and find tools and strategies to change the behaviours that may be getting in your way of relationships, happiness, education or employment. It is the past feelings that create the negative self talk. It is the STORIES we tell ourselves based on the ASSUMPTIONS we make from the PERSPECTIVES we have. It can help you explore the reasons you react the way you do and find tools and strategies to change the behaviours that may be getting in your way of relationships, happiness, education or employment. It is the past feelings that create the negative self talk.
“Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.”
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.” -Brent Brown
I get it. It is a difficult choice to get past fear and shame
BUT….what are you going to do?
Are you going to bury it deep inside your subconscious and let it simmer there. Will it collect more negative vibrations and grow everyday as life throws problems and emotional challenges their way. I invite you to take a moment here and think about an experience when you look back and see that you made one bad choice after another and logically explained the reason for it. Have you hidden your problems until they are so overwhelming, it's hard to find the place to start dealing with them?
Think about the thoughts you have after you have averted a problem or the continued effort to stop procrastinating. Think about the social events and friendships missed or avoided. What about the chaos of self care, eating, sleeping, exercise? Are you spending more time angry and disappointed then relaxed and motivated?
The bad choices and decisions come from the subconscious. “According to cognitive neuroscientists, we are conscious of only about 5 percent of our cognitive activity, so most of our decisions, actions, emotions, and behavior depends on the 95 percent of brain activity that goes beyond our conscious awareness.
Change is that scary word. It holds us hostage to the past. It holds us hostage to the feelings we learned through life that we don’t like. It influences the thoughts we have about ourselves and the decisions we make. If we don’t TRY to explore and understand the outcomes of our thoughts then we continue to think one way and NOT THE BEST WAY.
We begin creating our future “adult” as we choose our career path through education or employment and defining “who we want to be” but we miss one crucial step, the foundation of WHO AM I?
If I can be so bold, look at your life and mentally note how many routines and behaviours you want to change? But the idea itself is as much as you can handle.
1. How do I possibly find the time to change anything when I can barely make it through a day without solving problems, dealing with negative emotions and ending up on the couch exhausted.
2. Where would I find time to CHANGE?
3. Where would I start
4. What would I work on first?
Exercise Food Routines Self care Dating Organization
Friendships Marriage Emotions. Employment
Here is my TRUTH, we spend so much time on trying to “fix” our habits, our relationships, our routines and our thoughts and yet we are still stuck. With Every thought there is an abundance of information at your fingertips, to help you start making the changes you desire and yet, that first step, that moment where you commit yourself to “do better” is just not clear enough.
Truth - it is hard to know where to start.
It is difficult to decide how to start and where to focus your limited time.
Truth - there is always a sense of fear of failure so why take the risk. Our belief system around shame and failure holds us hostage to our past and stands in the way of your future.
Truth - sharing your shit is scary. Do you really want other people sharing in the things that you yourself resent? There is the invitation for judgment and opinions, which we view as negative instead of positive. Ask yourself, if I have chosen these people to be in my life what is holding me back from being honest with them?
Truth - our brains are wired for negativity. It is easier to stay in a negative state then it is to find positivity. Our mind automatically goes to the negative and the solution lies in your ability to find the positive and change those thoughts. The question to ask yourself is if you have that skill? Has it been taught? Have you learned it or observed it? Do you know what it looks like?
Truth - is there is no secret to living a healthy, happy, successful life.
It takes work
It takes awareness
It takes organization
It takes positivity
It takes an emotional exploration
It takes the risk to identify your limiting beliefs
It takes time to understand what your triggers are
It takes time and energy
It takes vulnerability
It take communication
It takes reaching out to others and creating a different way
It takes CHANGE.
You can create change on your own ( but you haven’t)
You can change your reactions ( explore your emotions)
You can create change at work (find a mentor)
You can create change at home (talk to your family)
You can create change in your awareness (practice gratitude)
You can create change with technology (watch motivational speakers)
You can create change with friends ( discuss expectations of friendship)
You can create change in the way you wake up each morning
The truth is you can create change on your own but the process will be longer and harder and lonely. The first step I suggest is finding someone to help you start the journey to change. It can be a friend, a family member or a therapist.
This is where therapy can help but once again, it is like finding a good diet, a good hairdresser, dentist, doctor. Like finding a professional for any need, finding a good therapist is hard.
You are basing your decision, like dating, on a limited profile, trying to find a partner to help create a better life. A task so difficult that it is easier to give up then work on the search. Unfortunately, there are always going to be challenges when trying to move forward, but if you ARE NOT FEELING GOOD, it is time to find a different way.
Generally When you find the right “ person” for the job, the excitement is wonderful and you share them with others. Recommendation for tv shows, recipes, activities, and practitioners are exchanged on social media and in conversations daily, yet we continue to hide our need for mental wellness support. Stemming from cultural norms, generational beliefs that we “keep our dirty laundry to ourselves and what happens at home is not to be shared. We are taught to hide our emotions and our feelings. We are told to keep going, stop being so depressed. Get over it. Well according to the internet and billions of people those are lies. Misconceptions.
Limiting beliefs you have bought into from your family or society.
The TRUTH is, if we have any chance of evolving as an emotionally intelligent society we need to make some big changes.
There is potential for TRUTH and RISK. The desire for honest communication and the fear of change. There is the uncertainty of uncovering patterns of behaviours that bring up memories but then there is the potential for emotional awareness. There is an interest in parenting differently but the foundation has to change. There is a need for community to support one another in making positive, ethical decisions in a society that is overflowing with information and distracting to successful goals.
Psychotherapy can help you move forward differently. It can help you discover what you need to feel safe and secure when taking a risk. It can support your growth through transitions to making better choices to accomplish new goals or redefine ones that you cannot achieve.
Psychotherapy is a way of uncovering the truth that lies inside you.
ARE YOU WORTH IT?